I feel sad and those empty feelings are coming back again. I keep wondering if I need to talk to a docter about it . I feel like a part of me is missing. I dont know if its because I lost the two people closest to me which was my mother and grandmother. It  seems like those I love the most are the ones who go away. I sometimes get to scared to love someone to much because I am so afraid of losing them.

I love my babies so much and alot of times I think how they missed getting to know their grandmother. She only got to meet the girls and she really only got to see nana once she actually waited till after I had her and when I took her to see my mother the day after she saw her she passed away.

I feel as though I really didnt have a chance to mourn her. I didnt have that closure and it keeps haunting me . I wish I had said goodbye I  wish I had soend more time with her and that she was here. I am full of wishing and wanting but there is nothing I can do about it ….