I feel so frazzled. I hate having to wonder wether we will be getting taxes or oweing taxes. I really hope that we get some kind of taxdes back but I highly doubt it as hubby didnt take care of things he should have taken care of last year. I also hate that I am owed some money and people dont pay back. If I borrow money I make sure that we pay it back as soon as we can and we always make payment arrangements.

I jsut dont get the logic in people. How can you owe someone money and tell that same someone that you owe money to what  stuff you have been buying and all the places you have been going to but when they ask for the money  that they owe you  they tell you uugh I dont have any moeny to give you. They has jsut told you all the things they were doing but when it came down to paying that is when all the excuses came about.

I just needed to vent really quick and now that I am done I am going to go and relax if I can.

I am so happy I finally won something. I had entered lifepassedby’s giveaway and I won. Me the person who is never lucky at winning anything  won the 25 dollar gift card she was offering in her giveaway.

I am so excited to pick out what I am going to buy from the Edenfantasys  website. In other news my best friend a.ka. my sister is finally coming back. I missed her like crazy and my kids did too. I have had my cousin visiting me since last thursday and its been a blast having her here.

I want to go somewhere fun the only promblem is that I dont know where I want to go yet. Oh yesterday I read on my friends facebook that they are ready to adopt a child. I am so happy for them. If I could help them out I totally would they deserve a baby. Hmm I have to take some books to the library but I am too cozy in my house to want to go to the library.

OMG is all I can say. I used the Wii fit for the first time and all I can say is that I am way outta shape which I knew that but I didnt expect the Wii fit to tell me that. I really need to start eating smaller portions and If I work on the wii fit everyday along with some cardio workout(which reminds me that I have to go out and buy it ) I think I will be able to battle the bulge I am dealing with.

In other news I miss my friend like crazy!! She left yesterday and although she has technically been gone less than a day I miss her already. She is the ying to my yand and without her I feel like part fo me is missing which sucks bigtime. I need to occupy myself with something so I wont miss her as much as I do.

I need to figure our what is for dinner right now but I really dont care to eat much right now. Nana is also sick hopefully she doesnt have a fever so she can go to school tommorow.

I have been feeling alot better and I have decided to sell avon. I want to interact with more people and what better way that selling avon. I love avon products and I love meeting new people. I think that having something for myself  to do will make me feel alot better.

Oh I also got the Wii fit and now all I have to do is set it up and start excercising. I am serious about losing weight. I just need to eat alot better than I do. I need to find a way to eat what I like but not gain weight. When the weather gets nicer I will start walking again. I am determined to make a change this year no matter how small.

I feel sad and those empty feelings are coming back again. I keep wondering if I need to talk to a docter about it . I feel like a part of me is missing. I dont know if its because I lost the two people closest to me which was my mother and grandmother. It  seems like those I love the most are the ones who go away. I sometimes get to scared to love someone to much because I am so afraid of losing them.

I love my babies so much and alot of times I think how they missed getting to know their grandmother. She only got to meet the girls and she really only got to see nana once she actually waited till after I had her and when I took her to see my mother the day after she saw her she passed away.

I feel as though I really didnt have a chance to mourn her. I didnt have that closure and it keeps haunting me . I wish I had said goodbye I  wish I had soend more time with her and that she was here. I am full of wishing and wanting but there is nothing I can do about it ….

I feel as though I am all alone. In a house full of people I am all alone. Noone understands me noone seems to care. I am responsible for running the house making sure everyone is ok but what if I am not okay. Who is going  to take care of me when I am sick or not doing good ?

I feel misunderstood. I feel like a misfit in everyone’s world. I feel like  I live in my own little world half of the time and the other times I am just following others in what they believe life should be lived like. I think I need a vacation from here.  I need to get my thoughts straight…..

I need to do something about my weight. I tell myself all the time that I am going to do something and I never do. I noticed that I have gained alot of weight and I can feel the weight holding me down. I need to find control within myself and start doing something about it. I can feel the weight gain going up the stairs cause my asthma starts acting up and I feel winded. I need to find a diet plan that I can follow. I always give up on myself

I think I am going to go walking today and start walking like I was before the holidays came and I totally gave up on myself.

Its a brand new year so I guess I am going to start in new. I feel outta place again. I dont know why I feel like that but I do. I dont know if I need a hobby or need to see a docter about it or what. No matter who I am surrounded by I feel alone. I cant seem to find my place in this world!!

I am going to try to write my feelings down here more instead of keeping them all bottled up inside. I want

I want to start excersizing because during the holidays I really let myself go. I want to get some kind of fitness video or something that is going to motivate me to work out some. It’s a new start and I need to start new I know I can do it its just a matter of starting.

I need a place of zen a place or spot that I can call my own. Just because I am a mother and a wife doesnt mean I dont need my own space or quiet time. I feel razzled and highstrung most of the time. I have to run around and do so many things at once that sometimes I just want to get away and hide for a day or two.

I knew I was going to be busy especially since the twins have been born. I just wish there was more time in the day to be able to get all the things done. I barely have time for myself and when I do I am so exhausted that all I want to do is sleep. All I want to do is catch up on the sleep that I am lacking from the running around during the week.

I am lucky if I get to take a shower before 1:00 in the afternoon . I think I am going to try and relax this weekend if at all possible. We have a super busy week coming and I need all the energy I can to be strong at the memorial for jasons cousin.

Right now that we have been going through some family finance problems I sure could use winning the $ 50 American Express gift card that Medelita is offering. The things you have to do to enter are quite easy so easy that you just need to make one blog post or 2 shoutouts on your favorite media site with the keyword “labcoat” so I most definately will be entering this contest. If you want more details you can read them here Medelita blog contest

I hope I can win because there are quite a few things I have been wanting to purchase but cant since they arent things I need they are just things I want they have to be put on my wishlist